Good morning, everyone. So, these past few weeks have been quite a few things piling up, both external and internal factors. First, I will share how I have been feeling for the past few weeks. I have been feeling pretty apathetic and closed-off to a fair amount of things, and I'm not entirely sure why I have been feeling like this. I have a couple of people around me that I have shared these thoughts with every so often when I notice it, and I'm trying to actively understand why I am this way. I know that I have different tyes of issues: some traumas, self-worth, feeling emotional, empathic, or understanding others, having some trouble staying connected to people, and other things I am consistently learning, and will continue to try to push through the apathy, because it sucks not caring about anything. It sucks not truly being able to feel joy, love, peace, or other good feelings because my mind wants to protect me from something. I will someday discover how to dull the apathy, and to be more social, understanding, and caring. I have a rocky path ahead of me.
Second, we can discuss the fact that I had an eviction scare recently. I wasn't able to collect the full amount I needed for rent, due to the fact that I had to pay it all at once, in full. I didn't pay the flexible rent payments through Flex at the beginning of the month, and they pretty much said, "Sorry. But you can try again next month." So, I had to then try to find a way to pay my rent in full with other bills that were automatically coming out of my account. So long as the rent is pid by the end of the month, I say who absolutely cares when the rent is paid, just pay the bill. But, they wanted their immediate payment so I could continue my subscription to my apartment. I understand not feeling connected to people, as mentioned above, but if you are going to work as a sheltering service for people to be able to live comfortably, just let them pay their rent when they can. Make sure that it is paid, for sure, but have some humanity as well. People have things they're trying to pay for on topof rent, just give them a break. I got help from a few different sources, and my rent was paid, even the fees that were added onto the original pyment. I hope to not have that kind of issue again, but life is never so certain. This was a hard lesson to learn for how I spend my money, though. I have to be very careful. I am eternally grateful for all who helped me, all who will help me, and all who desire to help me but have their own things going on. Life is nothing without connections, guys. Not so they can be used, but so a mutual exchange of ideas, good times, jokes, conversations, transactions, and other things can flow easier for everyone involved. I am quite antisocial, so I definitely know that I need to get better with being at least a bit more social, especially if I am to go into social work like I had previously mentioned in another post. Life has its hard or uncomfortable moments, and that is an understatement, I know, but let's help to comfort and build one another up, not tear one another down. Let's build a community of those who help how they can and learn to accept people for who they are, without having any expectations over what they do or how they act. Let's be better people for ourselves, for those that we truly care for, and for those that we wish to make proud. Be yourself, but learn that change is inevitable, so we can't be the exact same person over time, we must modify ourselves, adapt, and continue to learn new, exciting, and good things for whatever purpose we wish to go with, whether that's helping ourselves and those we love, wanting to slowly make the world better, or just to make a small part of it better than it was.
Don't ever lose hope, guys, for it may be all that's left. I will learn and do better, and encourage any who read this to think about doing the same. I love you, guys. Stay safe and hopeful.
No comments:
Post a Comment